I have been a little hesitant in deciding whether or not to post this and finally decided to do it. I am going to be very open with you on how I have and how I currently view my body. This is in no way me trying to brag or put others down. It's just me telling you what I did and what I currently do.
Many people, over the past 2 years, have asked me, "how do you do it?" or in a matter of fact tone, "you've got your hands full" when they see me with my boys. Yes, I have twin boys and they keep me busy but they keep themselves pretty busy as well.
However, this post is focused more on my body. And I'll tell you right now that I love my body, in a non-vain/boastful kind of way. I don't recall having the body issues (feeling too fat/ugly/insecure) that some of my other peers experienced at different points in their lives like high school, college, pregnancy and especially postpartum.
Six months after we got married we found out that we were going to be having twins. Although the pregnancy was planned, the "twins" part was not. Many people ask if our twins were In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) or spontaneous. Well, to all you nosy people: It was spontaneous. Now, as I have talked to other Mothers of Multiples (MOMs) the moment you find out you're having twins is when the body issues start to creep in. I welcomed those thoughts. Our boys are fraternal twins so I had two sacs and two placentas and with that knowledge I just assumed that I was going to be huge and I would not complain about my weight gain. My starting weight was 134 lbs. I was gaining weight at a good speed for my babies.
Because I was pregnant with twins and due to some other factors (I'm guessing my height) I was considered "high risk" so I had a specialist I would see as well as two M.D.s and I saw them all quite frequently. During the pregnancy, and even before, I was riding my bike to work which was probably a half mile one way. I would also walk a lot around town and I drank about 1.5 liters of water a day. Yes. You read that right. We would buy the pack of 1.5 liter bottled water from Costco and I would go through one a day. I tried to eat healthy, but I definitely had my sweets cravings, mainly for doughnuts which I usually do not like to eat. I would also crave butter a lot. (Are those odd cravings? What were some of your pregnancy cravings?)
So, other than riding my bike one mile a day I didn't work out or do anything different during my pregnancy when it came to physical fitness. I also didn't get sick, unless you count the smell of meat making you want to vomit for 11 weeks straight a sickness. I only threw up once and that was stress induced (at about 20 weeks I thought I was having a miscarriage).
The deliveries were both vaginal with me having an episiotomy for Keith because he was breech, but luckily he was baby B. Derek had dropped around 28 weeks and would not move for anything, which was good in the end with him being baby A and a whole 2 lbs bigger than Keith. Derek was 7 lbs 2 oz and Keith was 5 lbs 4 oz. Derek was able to come to my room with me, but Keith had a difficult time regulating his breathing and body temperature so he stayed in the nursery. That was a lot better than him having to go to the NICU, which is what I thought would happen. We weren't sure if Keith would be able to come home with us. He was having to be fed about 5 mL through a syringe and the doctors didn't want me to nurse him until his breathing got better, so I pumped as much as I could (and as much as Derek, the food monster, would allow) to take to the nursery so they could give Keith some of my colostrum and milk. I went in one day to hold Keith and the nurses asked if I wanted to do skin to skin. Of course I did. As soon I held him near me he latched on like a pro and was eating as if he wanted to catch up in weight to Derek right there. At first I was a little scared because the pediatrician advised against that, but the nurses monitored it all and Keith was doing great and we were all able to be discharged about 72 hours after birth.
It did take me a few weeks to be able to fit back into "normal" clothes (non maternity). Luckily my mother in law got me a few pants with elastic for that weird in between stage. At my 6 week postpartum check up I weighed in at 141 and was wearing a pant size of 6 which I attribute to nursing two babies.
My body was able to produce loads of milk. I would finish nursing the boys and be able to pump between 6-8 oz out of each breast (this is all about 6 weeks postpartum). I still walked around town with the boys and got back on my bike around 10 weeks postpartum.
It took about 3 months for my uterus to get back to "normal" with the doubly fast stretching it needed to do to make room for two babies and two placentas. And it took me about 5 months to actually feel like I could manage. I was sore for a long time and didn't know if I was properly healing from the episiotomy and child birth. I was a little hesitant to ask anyone, even Alan. I just chalked it up to baby blues and assumed all new moms experience the feelings of inadequacy that was quickly sneaking up on me. I did my best to stay positive and enjoy my time as a full time mom and part time student, but it was really hard. After about my umpteenth time of changing my own "diaper" (you moms know what I'm talking about) I just broke down crying, worrying about how we are going to get through our last year of school, how will we pay for their mission and college fund. What if I can't do this? Why does God think I can handle school and new born twins as a first time mom? Luckily we had amazing neighbors and friends. Sometimes I feel like a poor mother when I say this, but for the first year of their life, the boys were more raised by our good friend Jenny and her family than by us. I honestly do not know that I would have made that first year without them. (Jenny, if you are reading this, please know that we are so grateful for you).
Now looking back I realize that we all need a Jenny in our lives; someone we can count on to be there for us as we do our best to adjust to the new life or lives we bring into our own. Whether it's for a few weeks or a year, we all need to know that we have someone who will, without judgment, help care for our child and/or children while we care for ourselves. Let's be that person for someone.
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I wasn't the best at taking pictures of myself while pregnant, but hopefully this gives you some sort of idea as to how I grew.
Again, I want to establish that this post is not me trying to put anyone down. I'm just telling my story. Also, keep in mind that this was my first pregnancy.
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| The best pre-pregnancy picture I could find. This was taken nine months before I got pregnant. |
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26 Weeks
At 38 weeks I delivered two healthy boys. At that time I weighed in at 174 lbs, giving me a 40 lb pregnancy weight gain, which was perfect for my boys. I did measure the circumference at 37 weeks and at my biggest section I was 46 inches around (just to give you an idea of how big I was)
I am not overweight and I feel good about my body and my life. I have never felt like I need to fit into a certain size, just that I need to feel good about how I feel and about how I view myself. We eat pretty healthy for all meals, but we do have ice cream and candy in the house and some nights we just have cereal for dinner. Lastly, I have an amazing husband. He has NEVER made me feel ugly, fat, inadequate or any other negative feeling. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how lucky he is (which he is lucky to have me). He reminds me that I am a good mom on those days we all have where we feel we have failed our children. He can tell when I need a break and tells me to go to the room and lock myself in so he can watch the boys. I believe he is the biggest reason why I am happy with my body 2 1/2 years postpartum. We, as women, are already too hard on ourselves. Of course we know every part of our body and what it used to look and feel like, but let's try to see what our husbands and children see in us and, hopefully that's a positive view point. My boys are 2 1/2 and I know they don't know what fat, skinny, pretty, and ugly are yet. I don't know for sure, but I like to think that my kids see me as their protector, fixer, cook, driver, playmate and mom. They don't see what the world sees (or tells people what they should see) when they look at me. They just see their mom and my husband sees his wife and mother of his children. Let's all do better to see the real us when we look in the mirror rather than baby fat, acne, and any other "imperfections". Stop living your life for "the world" and start living for yourself. Take pride in the miracles your body has made: your children. ************************************************************************************************ If you are having body issues, please watch this video of Colbie Caillat singing her song "Try" and really listen to the words. |
I love this. I love that you feel healthy and happy. I know so many women that struggle with this "ideal" that really isn't ideal at all. Confidence and strength do not come from perfect dimensions - it comes from putting first things first, working hard and growing. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeletethis was so inspiring thankyou lei. I am still struggling with weight and body issues so this has helped me alot. xox
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